I think he said those words twice.
He must have realized I didn’t really hear him as I watched him gently fold my medical file, roll over to my side and point to those two words on the results of my pap smear.
Yes, there they were ~ cancerous cells.
As I took a deep breath, letting these word in, warm tears filled my eyes.
A large picture was put on the ceiling to make an uncomfortable position more … what … comfortable? It was a desert night sky, filled with stars. I began to call on the Angels, Spirit Guides, my Ancestors, God and Goddess as I kept telling myself to breath deeply, everything was going to be alright.
He reminded me that it would hurt. I didn’t feel pain, just discomfort. I wondered if I was in my body ~ so I took another deep breath, told myself to relax and kept looking at the desert night sky that seemed to begin to fill the room.
Dr. G kept apologizing for hurting me. He’s a kind, compassionate man. The only time I felt pain was after he said, “Now this won’t hurt as much as the other.” That’s my body ~ no toothache, just straight to root canal. No basic headache, but migraines.
After he took samples of my uterus, my cervix and my fallopian tubes, I was asked to gently sit up. I asked Dr. G to tell me the very best diagnosis and the very worst, which he did. He will call me on Monday with the results.
As I started dressing, I began to cry ~ the kind of crying that comes from deep within.
And now I wait.