The Dolls are Alright

Yesterday afternoon was rough for me.

I was spotting throughout the day, not like its been ~ spotting one day, two days go by and I spot again. This was all day. Dr. G said this would happen, but I felt scared.

Hard to admit that I felt scared. I’m the one that takes things on the chin. My pain threshold is through the roof. I know how to suck it up and keep on going.

Taking in the love and care, the generosity and support of my partner and my friends is hard ~ brings tears to my eyes.

I’ve always been the caregiver, and I’m good at it. No, wait, I’m great at it.

David’s in his 12th year of Parkinson’s and there are times when his challenges need me to take care of him while I’m working full-time, running errands, taking care of the house and still be able to bring a smile to his face, letting him know that everything’s going to be alright.

Now, it’s my turn. I heard this line while watching Suzanne Grace dance to Letting Yourself Be Loved ~ “we all need to be touched through the heart.”

Yes, it’s time for me to be touched through the heart on this new journey of mine. I hope you will be, too.

Is It Surreal or Is It Cancer

I woke about 2:30 this morning. Hard to sleep with intense pain in my head.

Sometimes, after taking my medication for the pain, I can go back to sleep ~ not so much this time.

I laid awake with just the sound of David’s rhythmic breathing. I don’t remember what I was thinking when I began feeling tears welling up in my eyes.

During the day it’s easy to feel my having cancer as surreal. I’m in a routine with work and errands, chores and basic living.

But in the dark, in the deep silence of the early morning, there’s nothing to distract me. And to find that small crimson color of blood after going to the bathroom is quite the reminder that my body really does have something serious going on.

As I lay in the dark, I felt a twinge on the left side of my body ~ was that my fallopian tube speaking to me or my uterus? or maybe it was just gas.